A SHY GUY Nearly Causes His Gay Partner a HEART ATTACK – Here’s What Happened

*** Relationship Case related to "Dependent Personality Disorder"

What's going on with the couple? 

Ever since Matt stays with AP, Matt realises that AP is always avoiding people. 

Whenever someone; either a friend, a waiter, a shop attendant, or a distant relative, approaches them, AP will stand behind Matt and keep silent. 

Even when someone rings the phone or calls at the front door, AP will not dare to reply or ask for queries.

This makes Matt agitates whenever AP needs him to talk to someone as he has to be with AP at all times.

There was an incident where AP accidentally locked his cell phone and car key inside his car.

It was on the weekend and it happened at a nearby supermarket about 1 km away from home where he always gets his groceries.

Matt started to call AP after he waited for a long time, but no one was picking up the cell phone.

When Matt rushed to the supermarket, he only spotted AP’s car.

Matt was so nervous and he drove relentlessly around the area to make sure AP was nearby somewhere.

After a moment, Matt received a call from home and it was AP.

He just reached home by foot.

It was at that moment Matt shouted furiously at AP “You should have borrowed someone else’s phone and called me”.

Matt knows that the more he does the talking for AP, the more AP relies on him without learning the skills to communicate effectively and the ability to protect himself.

Matt also notices that AP is relying on him more often than before to a point where AP doesn’t need to deal with anyone or do any decisions anymore.

The only thing that Matt knows is to keep pushing and forcing AP to mix with people, but to no avail.

 

When a person is depending too much on the other, imbalance starts.

What have we found from investigating the couple’s situation?

1. How the problem starts and gets dire?

a) What makes AP attracted to Matt is Matt’s willingness to comply and let AP rely on him since day 1.  

b) Though the compliance and reliance (C&R) start very small between the couple at the beginning, the relationship starts to form from there.

c) The process of forming the relationship gets stronger when Matt and AP are practicing the C&R more often.

d) To a point where Matt (The GIVER) is unable to give more when AP (The TAKER) is demanding/expecting more.

 

2. What Matt doesn’t realise when he keeps dealing with people on behalf of AP?  

a) It is understandable why Matt keeps fulfilling AP’s request to deal with people is out of Matt’s care and love for AP.

b) But Matt doesn’t realise that he is taking away AP’s capability to interact with others and to grow.

c) He also doesn’t realise that he is creating a complacent environment for AP to always stay in his own comfort zone.

d) Eventually, AP relies on Matt more than Matt is able to grant AP back.

e) Conflict starts to happen.

 

3. What should Matt do to encourage AP to step out of his comfort zone?

a) For someone like AP, it may take a certain time for him to get used to when approaching someone.

b) But it’s not hard for him to make the first step and to find his hidden capability if he is guided properly.

b) Teaching AP to fish instead of giving him a fish is what Matt must practice.

c) As someone who is not a psychologist or a specialist in guiding people like AP, starting small and easy is the best opening step.

d) Matt should also show AP how he deals with people too.

e) This way, AP can observe and learn directly how Matt handles different people. 

 

What does Matt do differently onwards? And the results of his change?

a) Matt starts to reduce lending his physical help to AP by converting it to mental support.

Results:

i) Whenever any concerns directly impact AP, Matt starts to give mental encouragement to AP and guides AP to deal on his own.

ii) Matt starts to see the changes in AP where AP is willing to do more than just sit quietly and wait for Matt to deal on his behalf.

b) When someone approaches them, Matt exchanges his role with AP by standing right beside or behind AP.

Results:

i) It was tough at first, but Matt’s existence is giving reassurance to AP to talk with strangers.

ii) It is like a borrowed power of consciousness where AP is more willing to talk to someone knowing that Matt will interrupt if something goes wrong.

c) Matt focuses more on the results than the process itself when guiding AP.

Results:

i) When Matt lets AP deal at his own pace, AP is more willing to take over and engage when someone approaches.

ii) Matt also realises that AP starts to discover his own ways which have been hidden for years.

iii) AP also shows a little confidence the moment he starts to feel progress of his own. 

Looking at other Happy Couples, are you in SILENT PAIN?

You don't have to bury deep in your heart and keep it hidden.

WHY? 

Because the PAIN will NOT go anywhere unless you do something about it.

If you have anything you really want to say, share, state, ask or draw (either good or bad), the LINKS below are for you to make full use of.

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We do this because ....

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