Only MARRIED for A MONTH, the Gay Couple Had Already Found a REASON to BREAKUP

 Only MARRIED for A MONTH, the Gay Couple Had Already Found a REASON to BREAKUP

*** Relationship Case related to "Uncontrollable Anger/Rage

What is happening with the couple?

DB started to experience shouting, yelling and thing-smashing from his partner (EJ) a few weeks after their marriage.

There is no room for any discussion when misunderstanding happens.

It wasn't this bad when they first met.

According to DB, EJ has a very short temper and gets angry easily even for trivial matters.

When triggered, his tantrum will be very hard to contain.

However, EJ will reluctantly apologise for his action when he has calmed down.

He will unwillingly ask DB for clarity after the fight.

Seeing that, DB pulls himself away and doesn’t talk about the issue for fear that the fight may break loose again.

It gets worse for DB to approach EJ with the same issue when the conflict happens again.

DB realises that there is no escape for him to confront EJ as they are living together under the same roof.

And because DB is unable to resolve anything, he is forced to walk on eggshells and doesn’t want to engage with EJ every time when something wrong happens.

But the fight never really ends for both of them.

Never a day DB feels safe and comfortable living and communicating with EJ.

What have we found from our investigation?

1. What is it that DB doesn’t understand about EJ’s anger?

a) When someone just discovers an unpleasant situation, it is a hard pill for him to swallow.

b) SHOCKED in disbelief is the 1^st phase, then followed by REJECTION when he is unaware and unprepared for what is actually going on.

c) For someone like EJ, bursting into anger is unavoidable after hearing negative stuff about him when he doesn’t realise he is the main cause of it.

d) His RAGE is an automatic self-defence mechanism that he himself can’t even control.

e) And to let EJ know that he is the main problem for the occurrence is like a suicide mission for DB himself.

2. What DB doesn’t realise or has overlooked when he tries to handle his partner’s rage?

a) When EJ approaches DB for clarity (after EJ has calmed down) despite his reluctance, DB should bring out and talk about the issue openly.

b) This is when EJ is more aware of the situation and ready to accept what comes next.

c) It’s a big mistake for DB to pull himself away and doing so will cause EJ unclear about how serious the issue is to DB.

d) Worst, EJ might be thinking that DB is the issue and not him.

e) When conflict happens again from the same problem, EJ will definitely burst into rage double the size in comparison to his first anger.

f) Because he will carry forward his initial thought from the first incident that DB is the problem and not him.

 

3. What DB shouldn’t be doing when engaging someone like EJ as his partner?

a) DB shouldn’t address EJ as the problem.

b) Instead, he should treat the subject matter as the problem itself.

c) In other words, make the problem as the problem and not the person as the problem.

d) This will eliminate the complication of finger-pointing and blaming each other, and concentrate to find the root causes of the problem.  

e) When the focus is shifted towards the subject matter, the way the message of the problem is delivered will change as well.

f) To a way that is purely a relationship discussion and not a blaming game.

 

What does DB do differently onwards? And the results of his change?

a) DB starts to bring out the issue by targeting the issue itself.

Results:

i. EJ doesn’t show any signs of anger because he doesn’t feel offended.

ii. DB is more approachable in dealing with EJ in relationship affairs as there is no need for him to walk on eggshells anymore.

iii. EJ is more engaging though sometimes his anger is still overwhelming during the process of finding mutual agreements.

b) Almost every time when EJ approaches DB when they face hardship, DB will take this chance to engage with EJ on a more personal level.

Results:

i. DB discovers that EJ is more willing to cooperate with him when DB shares what is in his mind with EJ.

ii. EJ is also more mindful in performing relationship tasks with DB as he gets a clear message from DB.

iii. EJ even shares his personal matters more openly with DB once DB lowers his guard through constant sharing with EJ.

iv. Their connection and communication get so much better when the couple narrows down their misunderstanding gap for one another.

c) Whenever EJ starts to burst out in anger, DB will move aside and let EJ alone to cool down his temper first.

Results:

i. DB gives EJ some space and doesn’t engage in any discussion when EJ is not in the mood.

ii. This helps the couple to reduce further unnecessary fights while waiting for EJ to recover from his anger.

iii. The discussion is much smoother and more acceptable afterwards when both DB and EJ cool down. 

Video: 3 Important Points to Turn Your UNCONTROLLABLE ANGRY PARTNER Into a CALM NEGOTIATOR

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